Meet Steve the Dog!

Steve is a stray dog who has taken to hanging out in our friends' bar Faulty Towers in Thailand. Every night he lies right across the doorway, blocking it. He often gets stood on by some overweight Ex-pat, but always comes back for more punishment. Why Steve? Well, there's a fella called Steve who frequents Faulty's when he's here. He smells a little bit, get drunk and lies around in the way sleeping most of the time. So does Steve the dog.

This Steve has fleas. I mean he really has fleas. More than a whole circus. He smells a little too. And he's got a few scabs and wounds. Yes he's got a lovely little face and deserved more. Much more....

Consequently, we decided to start a collection for Steve, in the bar and called it, the "Clean Steve Campaign".  Once we had enough money we decided that we'd take him up the poodle parlour for some grooming! The latest thing over here in Thailand is Toffee Licker dogs who rarely get to touch the ground as they're usually being carried round by the owner like some fashion accessory. We thought Steve needed the same treatment! There's a poodle parlour that provides that sort of treatment here - hair driers, bows in their hair - the lot! Definitely a must for every stray dawg! Smile Pet & Grooming has it all!

Of all the yacht regatta held in this part of the world, then this is always my favourite and I'm not alone in that. It's passage racing that usually involves a route from Krabi to Phuket which takes those on board through some of the most spectacular scenery in the world. If you've never been to this part of the world, then these islands are the ones you'd see on that old James Bond movie and those usually associated with Thailand. They appear without graduation, shooting often vertically out from the ocean. You can get very close to some of these island yet still be in 20m of water (don't try it on your yacht unless your pretty sure of the depth though!).
This race is always regarded as the friendly one. It lacks the politics that often drag around with many other regattas. Most people who do it have done it before -or at least soon they will be! Thanks to John Everingham and the team from Art Asia Press, who do much of the organising. A special hello to those folk who we partied with - Rose, Kerrie, Shona,Boo, Hamish, Lies, Alice, JC's crew on Fi Tuen and of course our own crew - Mike, Lorraine, Johnny, Heath, & Gene.

The wind was pretty strong this year compared to recent years, so we all had a good workout. All in all something like 12 spinnakers blew out on the final day. One of those was ours, but some weren't even that lucky and lost 2. The won that didn't blow thankfully, was new this year and is much bigger than previous ones on TAG. This year we managed 13.7 knots on TAG! When you consider that the boat will usually race at 8 or 9 knots, then this was pretty exciting stuff.

These always the inevitable funny stories from such events. Here's just a few that I managed to write down or remember....

Flubber's big night out...
Flubber could not find his crew from JC's boat so did not know where the boat was to get back out to it after one of the partys. He ended up spending the night tucked up i na dinghy of the shore. Strange how stuff works out, because that's where JC's crew found him the next day. Pretty easy to do really, because he had unknowingly spent the night cuddled up in the dinghy belonging to Fi Tuen !! Even better- the crew had a relatively comfy night ashore - I use the word relatively loosely here - read on to find out why!...

ght I slept with JC in a massage parlour!.....
During one night, the wind had got up so much that even the longtail boats wouldn't take people out to their boats after the party. Options, options, options... I had long since lost the TAG crew, having had enough of Mike musical boats moving it round various bays without telling folk, then doing the same in the bars! It'll all work out, I promised myself (you don't know how hard that is for a control freak to think that!).

I found myself considering checking into a guest house, then suddenly one of those little alignment of stars of something happened. As I was walking past a Thai massage shop (and these are proper massage places, not the ones round the back of railway stations in the west!), the lady who ran it said, "Maybe your friend stay here...many men from boat here.... you maybe stay too... bad wind...". I'm not sure if she meant the bad wind on the shore on the bad wind from the sailors! Anyway, it's an option, I thought, so I put my head in to check it out. Lowe and behold, who should be camped down for the night on the beds but..... JC and the crew from Fi Tuen!! Hilarious. I can't believe I was in the same place. It was the best option for the night with no yacht or crew or means of finding either. I have to say, I got a great night's sleep. However, I did think I might be doing grander things in life by now than spending the night in a massage parlour with JC!
All in all a great regatta. If you want to know more about it, then visit the bay regatta website.

JC's Famous Visa Run Story in its entirety

I've been that busy re-enacting the JC's Visa run story for the Phuket Hash House Harriers, that I haven't had a chance to actually write it up yet! It's funny as hell though, so keep checking.

One day three fellas - A Yorkshireman, an Australian and a Scouser (it already has the makings of a great joke doesn't it?!) - all Hash House Harriers, of course, decide to go get their visa's renewed for Thailand. Lets call them Sharpie, JC & Saggy Ba**s (John). The way that it works here, is that every so often, you have to leave the country after anytime between 4 weeks and 6 months, depending on your visa. So, at this time folk can either fly to Singapore or Malaysia (not cheap), go by minibus to Malaysia (cheap but very long) or go up to the Burmese border at Ranong (relatively cheap, but not as long). So, as JC was driving, we chose the latter.

Our trip up there was an enjoyable as 3 hours in a pickup could be. When we arrived, we checked out at the Thai Immigration Office. Clear now to go to the Burma. The next step is to get in a long tail boat & they will take you across the water about 1km to the 'Customs House' on the Burmese side. I sue the term lightly, because the 'Customs House' turns out to be a concrete hut on stilts, sticking out into the water! You then pay your $5 & get your entry into Burma.

Then we went into the town over there to grab some cold beers and duty free. A grand day out so far. We had a few more and bought our duty free & returned to the Thai side. Back to immigration again and all ok. Until....  We leave emigration and get 200m and get pulled over by a guy with important bits on his shoulders - I think they call them stripes. He questioned us about the  booze we had & mentioned whisky. We laughed & said, nah it's just beer mate - thinking this was fine. Apparently now. The limit - only through that border - is "2 litres of liquor". Again we protested innocence - It's beer & not liquor!!  He wouldn't have it though. By this time JC was getting twitchy & adopted the usual Thai method of solving things. "How much to make the problem go away officer?". Still he wouldn't have it & insisted we go back to the Customs House - for the sake of 4 crates of beer!

So, off we went like naughty schoolboys the the customs house. Man they were out for some meat & would not let it go. We had the Captain, the Sergeant, an interpreter plus the guy who had nicked us!! Anyway they wanted to fine us 3000 baht (about 50 quid) for all this! - a 1000 each. After much wrangling it was clear they wouldn't let it drop. By now JC was spitting feathers & Saggy was doing his best to calm him down. Meanwhile I'm trying to play Mr Negotiator (not my strong point, but in comparison I was the best option!). All Thais when in confrontation smile at each other, so I thought I'd do the same - whilst thinking much much stronger words for the occasion.

I pointed out to them that as it was only one person who had paid for the beer & we hadn't settled up yet, then surely it's only 1000 baht.  They went for that - and still JC is whingeing. Oh for a baseball bat, because by that time I could feel a night in the slammer coming on. I'm not sure what the story was, but they did it all officially & gave me a receipt and everything - in fact they gave us much more.....

Once they'd released us & we set off - JC still moaning, I said, cheer up - next time you need a pen, which one would you like?..... I'd grabbed the immigration official's, the desk Sergeant, the customs guy's & right in front of all of them at the desk - The police Captain's !!   Small beer - but what the heck. "That's nothing", said Saggy. He then pulled out a medal band (the strips with all the colours on them). Whilst the plonker who had pulled us was grovelling about in the pickup looking for contraband, he dropped his medal strip! Saggy had seen it & picked it up & wanted to see our outcome before pointing it out. Do you think we told him after that? Did we f**k!

So, off we went 1000 baht lighter, but with a bit of a story to go with it. Can I borrow your pen?

It is with great sadness that we have the report the passing the Peter "Lord Weasel T*ts" Frodsham, lately of the Phuket Hash House Harriers. Weasel died of a sudden heart attack last month. He left the party way to early at the insurmountable age of only 53. It's unbelievable, as he was one of the thin fit guys.

Weasel was one of those folk with whom I could share a warped sense of humour. Always one to ruin a song by 'adjusting' the lyrics to more immoral purposes, we shared a similar sense of humour. Not sure if it was a North England thing, but we certainly twisted a few. We had a pact then when I got back over to Thailand, that we would get together and really take Perry Como and Co. apart, but it was just not to be. Ironic that he survived the tsunami over there only to be brought down like this.  We often compared notes prior to performing Steward spots for the Phuket Hash House Harriers. It was startling that sometimes our material would run very similarly, so and easy task to swap some stuff back and forth. I guess the pinnacle of that career was performing to the 450 drunken Hashers for the Phuket 1000th run recently. Well Perry Como, you're safe for a while, but always remember.... "Catching a falling Carlsberg, put it in your pocket" etc (to the tune of catch a falling star etc. in case you missed that).

I guess our combined claim to fame was the now famous "Rosie Players". The antics of the Duke of Puke, Weasel & myself taking the p*ss out our aging, but charismatic friend Rosie. As he progresses through the years, the pants rise and the back stiffens. Check out the photo here which captures one of those great moments.

Weasel had recently taken part in the Phuket 10's tournament on the vets team with Duke, myself and a whole bunch of other people who should have hung up their boots a long time ago. We didn't win - but we did make the TV and press reports after abandoning one game after the first kick.... to rush to the touchline & skull the line of 50 Heineken waiting there.

We sure will miss him, so it's only fitting that we reflect on some of the brighter moments in our life spent with him.

There are many stories I could pick, but the one for me is the fun we had on a "Hugh Jorgen" Run a little while ago. I had forgotten all the events of the previous night by the next day (a clear conscience!), but the smell emanating from Weasel's jeep the next morning was more than indicative that something happened and we were probably involved. The previous evening the Duke of Puke had got into his Weasels Jeep for the journey home, thrown up (as he is the Duke of Puke after all). This subsequently set Weasel off & the whole inside was just one mass of upchuck. Meanwhile on the outside,  Gollum, who doesn't have much in the way of padding, tried to grab hold of the jeep to hitch a ride, fell off & was seen the next day in various bandages & plaster casts. Meanwhile yours truly was nursing skinned bare inner thighs after figuring it would be a really good idea to slide down a palm tree, which ran through the palace we were partying in, form one floor to another. Yes it hurt. Folk were left wondering how on earth such a large night was had in such a small amount of time. I should add that during all these events that the Jeep was completely stationary and we hadn't even set off back yet.

Ah what the h*ll, lets wheel another story out, we've got time....
If you ever take a ride past the Club Residence in Kamala, Phuket, you should be able to see a black saloon car - with Pink rings all the way down the side. This belongs to our good friends WC Fields, lately of Hash name "Billy The Squid", now known for his wandering hands amongst the wimmin. Late one night Duke & Weasel, armed with pink paint, a couple of sink plungers and fuelled by a sea of Tiger Beers, set to work. The car in question now has great big pink quid sucker rings running all down the side of it...and on the top,,, and the boot.... and the bonnett. They made such a good job, WC has left it like this.

We hope you enjoy the photographs here. Who'd have though that the 'just another night out in Weasel's bar" photos set would be amongst the last. I understand that the wake held at the Kamala beer garden was well attended. Some 6 kegs were skulled in the 14 hours that folk passed by to pay their respects. People came from all over - The rugby community, Hash House Harriers, Dulwich College- where weasel worked and by many other people who knew him. There was also a simultaneous wake held in Canada at the same time with WC fields. Down in Sydney too we had one earlier.

Well Weasel mate, you got a good send off and so it's so long and off to the great Hashers On On in the sky. We're sure gonna miss you mate.

Weasel is survived by  several hangovers, a couple of unpaid bar bills and a large gap in our Hash social lives.

Sharpie

aka Sickf**********r in Hash Circles